The Real World Sucks!
by Mini Black Betty G-Fresh
Summary: Crossover with BtVS, Zelda, and Harry Potter. Angel, Xander, Link, Navi, Harry Potter, and Severus Snape get thrown into the real world. I suck at summaries sorry. implied slash. which means boy on boy
1. Angel and Xander

Author's Note: I'm really nervous my first time writing a fan fic ever! On with the disclaimer. I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters mentioned they all belong to Joss Whedon. Well onto the story deep breaths, in and out, in and out, nice and slow, there we go ok I think I'm ready. Oh wait I forgot to tell you this is at the beginning of the 4th season except Anya doesn't exist and Angel never left Sunnydale.

'thoughts'

"speaking"

Chapter One

'I can't believe they stuck me with HIM! Just because I _magically _changed overnight and now things are going all crazy around me doesn't mean I'm dangerous! Why did I have to go patrol in the first place? Isn't this Buf-'

"XANDER!!!!" Xander jumped as he heard his name being shouted.

"Jeez Dead Boy I'm right next to you, you don't have to shout."

"Well when you didn't answer the first _twenty_ times I decided to find out if you were deaf or just plain dumb."

"Ha ha. Very funny, I'm neither I just got lost in my thoughts."

"Well quit daydreaming about Cordelia she'll never take you back."

"You know it's funny you should mention ex's. Remind me again why you didn't leave town after graduation?"

"Shut up!" Angel snarled, "Buffy has nothing to do with this!"

Oh-ho-ho-no my friend, that's where you're wrong. Buffy has _everything_ to do with this."

"Really? How do you figure that one out genius?"

"Well genius, why do you think we're even here? Where do you think she is, at home with her mom, or maybe studying? No, she's out, at a party most likely, with another new fling."

"Listen here you little piec- Did you feel that?"

Xander stopped momentarily stunned at how fast Angel could go from royally pissed to alert and protective. 'Wait, protective? Where did that come from? Why would he be? I meant wary and observant...yeah...'

"No Dead Boy, the only thing I feel is anger at being stuck here at some random graveyard with you at ONE in the freaking A.M.!!"

"Shut up, it's coming from over there. It's like waves of mystical energy, lets go check it out."

"Yeah brilliant plan, maybe we'll get skinned alive. Or just boiled to a low simmer then eaten feet first by some unknown demon. Hmm, or maybe entrails first, I guess it just depends on the demon."

"Look it's coming from that mausoleum, there's no harm in peeking in through the doorway."

"Fine then Mr. Immortal, lead the way."

Angel just scoffed at him and he could sworn he heard "pansy" but Xander wasn't to sure his hearing wasn't what it used to be. As they walked through the doorway they felt as if icy hot water had just been poured over them. 'Well, ' thought Angel, 'at least I won't need that cold shower now.'

Ok it was my first try please be gentle.There will be more I don't know how much more but I know there will be. You should definantly press that button down there even if it is to tell me how much i suck!


	2. Link and Navi

Ok now ch 2 I CAN do this! New disclaimer: I don't own anything involving the Zelda characters or the wonderful land of Hyrule I don't know who does but I know it's not me. Oh and this is happening after he went back in time at the end of OoT but he never left the forest. and he doesnt remember what happend.

'thoughts'

"speaking"

Chapter 2

"OH YEAH?!?!?!?...well...YOUR FACE!!!!!" Link shouted as he ran past Mido.

'You know I'm getting really tired of his childish insults. I know he isn't gonna _grow_ anymore but wouldn't you think he would have a mentality higher than that of a seven year old' he thought totally ignoring his last comment to Mido before he ran off.

He wandered around the Lost Woods for a bit contemplating whether or not he should take the initiative to leave and go find his parents or at least what happened to them. It became quite obvious he wasn't a Kokori when he hit 6'3, and he was still growing! He was brought out of his musings by someone shouting "Hey!" over and over again. Suddenly he was hit with the weirdest feeling of de ja vu (sorry if I totally butchered that) but just shrugged it off as it had been happening a lot lately.

He looked all around until he noticed a light flying slightly above his head. "Hey!" he heard again and realized it was coming from this weird light. He stared at it for a few minutes before he heard "Finally! Jeez, harder to get your attention now than it was then, and that's saying something." That was when he realized the ball of light was talking. To him. Then he realized it was a fairy.

"Wait why are you talking to me?"

The Great Deku Tree decided it would be a fantabulous idea for us to meet." 'Again' she added silently. "My name is Navi and I'm gonna be your fairy!"

"Umm...how? I can't have one because apparently I'm a Hylian who just happens to live in the forest. Or did you think I was a Kokori with a height deficiency?"

"I know all about you Link, and it doesn't matter. I'm your fairy, live with it."

"Fine, whatever."

So he kept on walking with Navi trailing behind him. During his wanderings he came upon a doorway he had never noticed before. "Do you know where this goes?" he asked Navi.

"Nah, lets check it out" she replied.

As they walked through the doorway they felt the oddest sensation as if they were walking through a wall of icy hot water. 'Well that's not normal.' thought Navi 'What did he get us into this time?'

Again I plead gentleness but I still want a review well full of hateful comments or not. please?


	3. Harry and Severus

A/N ok third chapter i dont own harry potter. i make no money off this if i did do you think i would still be writing on fanfic? please dont sue

'thoughts'

"speaking"

Chapter Three

"Good job Potter. It seems the last ten years haven't been complete waste."

"Only you, Professor, could insult and compliment someone in the same sentence. Besides Severus thought we agreed to call each other by our first names since we are basically stuck with each other until that snake faced bastard is dead?"

"Oh, you're right Harry, my apologies. Old habits die hard, as you well know."

"Yeah, well, he is a right git, our side or not."

"Well I believe Ms. Granger is quite happy isn't she? Oh how is our _dear _Mr. Weasley taking the news?"

"Pretty well considering he sent out invitations to his and Blaise's bonding last week."

"Blaise? Blaise Zabini?!? I wasn't aware Mr. Weasley was more interested in the same sex."

"Yeah we had a little fling in the beginning of our 6th year. He was actually the one who made me realize i was gay."

"Really? You and Ron fooled around too?"

"No you silly brat. Why did Dumbledore make us stay all the way out here any way?" They were stuck in a quaint little cottage in the middle of the woods with nothing to do except talk and make potions. Dumbledore told them it was for their safety but he had to have some other motive because, after all, he is Dumbledore.

"Eh, who knows?"

Suddenly Fawkes appeared out of nowhere in a burst of flames. He trilled in a way that sounded almost desperate but comforting at the same time.

Harry just stared at Fawkes and said, "Ok, so either we're in danger or we can finally go home."

Severus only reply was a snarky "Look out the window and maybe you can guess which one."

Harry looked out the window and saw there were at least 30 Death Eaters circling the little cottage. 'Oh shit! Well that sucks, I guess Fawkes is our way out.'

They both grabbed Fawkes and a few mere seconds after the cottage dissolved from view, they felt is if they were falling. Now that wasn't normal they had both been transported around by Fawkes numerous times and falling had never been one of the sensations included in the trips. Right as they opened their mouths to scream they felt as if they landed in a pool of icy hot water, then nothing. 'That meddling old fool, what is he doing now?' thought Severus angrily.


	4. Swan Dive

yay chapter 4! again i own nothing please dont make me keep saying it. its depressing

'thoughts'

"speaking"

Chapter 4

Xander and Angel walked into what appeared to be a chicken coop."Boy thats funny beacause i thought we were walkin into a mausoleum" Xander said as Angel walked across the small space and yanked open the door. He hissed as sunlight hit his arm and immediately jerked his arm back in, closing the door in the process.

'It doesn't hurt' Angel thought in wonder. 'Why doesn't it hurt? Why isn't my flesh smoking and burning in excrutiating pain?' He stared at his arm in wonder for a few minutes until Xander spoke up.

"Umm...Angel? Why are you staring at your arm like you've never seen it before? And why isnt it smoking or at least red? We know your a vampire i mean look at your face."

Angel reached his hand upt o his face and sure enough there were those rigid bumbs he hated so much." Honestly? I haven't got a clue."

"Well good, let's test my theory." Xander flung open the nearest window the light coming in from the sun convienetly landing right on Angel's face.

Angel closed his eyes, threw his hands over his face, as if to sheild his face from the light, and opened his mouth to, most likely, scream in agony. Only then did he realize yet again he was staanding in direct sunlight and he was in no pain. Well except his eyes, its been a very long time since he was in direct sunlight. He moved out of the ray of precious sunlight and was about to lay into Xander for trying to kill him when they heard...

"OUCH!!!" Then the sound of tearing fabric. Then "FUCKIN GOAT! No I won't watch my language! HE BIT ME!!!!"


	5. 3 Libras

i dont own it excuse me while i cry

"speaking"

'thoughts'

Chapter 5

As soon as Link and Navi walked out of the darkness they heard "What the fu- where did you come from?!?!? And why are you dressed up Link?"

Link looked around in confusion, Navi had retreated to his hat in fear, until he spotted a young man, right in front of him, who appeared to be the same age as him. About 17, he had poofy brown hair and very tan skin, almost brown. He was wearing baggy black pants with a large shirt that said "I'm out of bed and dressed. what more do you want?"

"How do you know my name and where the hell am I?" Link asked curiously while trying to figure out what the white thing behind him was. It looked someone had stuck an oval bucket, with a lid that didn't cover the middle of the bucket, to a covered box;except it didn't look like it was made out of any material he had seen before.

'What a weirdo!' thought Alex as he watched Link stare at the toilet in wonder, then reach out to touch it.

"Umm dude you probably shouldn't that it's not very sanitary. Oh and I don't know your name you never said it."

Link withdrew his arm and said "Ok, whatever. Where am I?"

"You're in the boys bathroom" he said slowly as if talking to a 3 year old. Whem Link just stared at him he continued "At Vale High School."

"Vale High School? Where's that?"

"Lima."

"Lima? Where is that?"

"Scotch County."

"Ok, where is _that_ at?"

"Geez! Florida? The U.S. of A.? North America? Any of this a ringin a bell?"

"Why would it be ringing a bell?"

"It's an expression. Does any of it sound familiar?"

"Not at all. I'm not in Hyrule anymore am I?"

"No Link obvioulsy we aren't in Hyrule anymore you freakin moron!!!!" Navi screeched.

She emerged from Link's hat when she was sure there was no danger and now she was seriously freaking out, and was seriously pissed too. She was cursing the Great Deku Tree left, right, up, down, forward, backward, and any other way you could think of. 'I knew what I was gonna be doing was dangerous I mean hellooo? I'm with Link, but no way in the seven hells did I sign on for alternate realities! No way!'

"Umm dude is that a fairy?"

"No I am **_not _**a fairy" Link snarled. "Oh wait, you said _is_ that a fairy" at Alex's nod he said "Sorry. Yes that is a fairy, her name is Navi. I don't know why she is here or anything beyond her name, so if you wanna know anything else you'll have to ask her."

"Ok so you really are Link?"

Link nodded.

"Ok well I'm Alex and now that we've established I'm insane lets go find Kim and Fae"

They walked out with Alex in the lead, followed by Link who was holding a muttering and twitching Navi in his hands.


End file.
